Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Surviving a Zombie Attack with Kids

I think I would have enough trouble surviving a zombie attack on my own, I am not particularly agile, I do not have the muscles of a well toned beef cake, my survival skills are at best limited, not sure I could forage in the wild, light a fire or construct anything useful out of twigs.

What I do know it would be a MILLION times harder with my two running around alongside me.  So I have some guidelines for those who after watching one horror film too many (in my case blame hubbie!) have given it a lot of thought!

Have an emergency kit ready

Ensure you have an adequate supply of lollies and gobstoppers in, anything that will take a LONG time to suck to minimise the noise of children (chatting, screaming, singing) when in hiding.  Obviously the state of your children’s teeth could be compromised BUT you might live another day, so on balance…

Fortify your safe house

Your toy box should be your first line of defence, empty and throw around the front garden and downstairs rooms, a zombie is bound to break their neck, I almost do every day, and if not there is always a chance that they would become so mystified and distracted by a singing and dancing Mickey you could quickly chop off their head!

Make an escape plan

If it looks like you need to make a fast exit out of town, have a map ready and forget picking a town with the obvious and often necessary amenities, such as a hospital and fuel station, pick somewhere your child will have entertainment, toy shops, fun parks… a happy child is less likely to tantrum and alert those damn zombies

Look wild

If you like wearing make up and styling your hair, ditch all that, look windswept, a little crazed and try and blend in… only keep high heels if you plan on using them for hacking at exposed zombie necks.

Get fit

Cut back on the sugary treats; be ready to pick up your kids and run fast if necessary.  Save the sugary treats for them, in a worst case scenario I am sure my feral toddler plied with enough E numbers could take down a zombie, with his all spitting, all hitting, nose picking renegade action!

one of the Plants v's Zombies crew

8 comments:

  1. I Love this post and shall be taking some tips on board :)

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  2. This is actually a genuine worry of mine thanks also to my husband! I am hoping those pesky zombies hold off until my boys are a little older. Don't think we'd have much chance with a toddler and a baby :D

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  3. Helen from the good life mum10 January 2012 at 09:48

    Haha I'm so glad some one else has the same worry as we do I also have a hubby with a zombie fetish we plan to chop down our stair case and livein the upstairs of our house. I have been perfecting the no make no styled hair look for some time so this might help me blend in when I have to do the dash to the shops to get more surpplies. Hehe fun post

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  4. We have a Zombie Apocalypse plan too!!  I'll definitely take some of your ideas on board to perfect our survival plan!!!  I love the distraction by Mickey method of enabling Zombie decapitations!! x

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  5. stick with me kid - you can keep the kids quiet whilst I light the fires and shoot the zombies. Sounds like fun!

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  6. haha love it!  I think I will keep the chop down the staircase as my back up plan! Am not so great at scaling down drain pipes to go shopping! x

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  7. My zombie plan....just take a trip to Ikea - that'll confuse the ectoplasm out of them!! (I had to use the word ectoplasm there - not sure zombies have ectoplasm but it sounded good!)

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  8. Our zombie escape plan is the same as our burglar/axeman/supervirus/earthquake/nuclear apocalypse/armageddon escape plan. Once money and time permits, we will of course be building a super hi-tech panic room in our house. The panic room will be like a tardis, and have enough food for 6 months, state of the art communications technology, a cinema and soft play centre, a pharmacy etc. Although I also quite like the sound of a bunker. You can get some pretty funky retro ones for about a quarter of a million. What a dilemma. 

    love your blog. Especially like the image of you hacking away at zombie necks with your high heels!  

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