Tuesday, 24 January 2017

Family Fall-Outs

I have just finished reading a book and it was quite sad, it sorted itself out in the end but only after a period of about 20 years.  I thought it was such a waste that the individuals involved didn’t manage to get it resolved quicker.  We only have one life it’s a shame to waste it on bad feelings and falling-outs. 

I hope when my boys find girlfriends I will welcome them into the family, unlike the character from the tale.  She was very hard on her son’s girlfriend and when her son passed (far too young) it backfired on her and the girlfriend took their grandchild away.  She had her reasons but never explained her motivations, so seemed cruel when in reality she was trying to help in her own way.

I guess sometimes things just happen and unforgivable things are said in the heat of the moment especially through grief, but because she could no longer see the child she was naturally heartbroken and the years passed in a haze of sadness.  Instead of being in a warm extended family the grandchild lost out wondering why things had changed.  

I am lucky I know my boys love their grandparents, those close by and those further away and I want them always to have them in their lives.

I don’t think I could have let it go on that long, if it had been me.   I would have been trying to do anything to resolve the situation, with countless apologies, presents and trying my best to get it sorted.  The only contact though was one strained encounter that seemed to worsen the situation.

If all hope were lost I would probably have turned to a solicitor for help, but only after first trying to resolve the situation amicably.  Prime family lawyers specialise in representing everyone in the family, so perhaps the grandmother might have had more rights and access with appropriate support.  Having said that I think it’s always best to try and find ways to get along with your child’s partner, remarkably there are lots of articles about it so obviously its something lots of people want help with.

Some of the bad feeling is because mums don’t like letting go of their children; they resent someone else taking their previous child away.  But try and see it as your family extending not shrinking and see the positives, maybe a wedding or grandchildren to look forward too.  

Mind you when the time comes round I might find it hard remembering the saying “A daughter is a daughter for all her life, but a son's a son until he finds a wife”.  But children have to make their own journey and hopefully it will be one that still includes us, even if its to help with money, babysitting and cooked meals!  I just want to continue to give them a helping hand.

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