I think I would have enough trouble surviving a zombie attack on my own, I am not particularly agile, I do not have the muscles of a well toned beef cake, my survival skills are at best limited, not sure I could forage in the wild, light a fire or construct anything useful out of twigs.
What I do know it would be a MILLION times harder with my two running around alongside me. So I have some guidelines for those who after watching one horror film too many (in my case blame hubbie!) have given it a lot of thought!
Have an emergency kit ready
Ensure you have an adequate supply of lollies and gobstoppers in, anything that will take a LONG time to suck to minimise the noise of children (chatting, screaming, singing) when in hiding. Obviously the state of your children’s teeth could be compromised BUT you might live another day, so on balance…
Fortify your safe house
Your toy box should be your first line of defence, empty and throw around the front garden and downstairs rooms, a zombie is bound to break their neck, I almost do every day, and if not there is always a chance that they would become so mystified and distracted by a singing and dancing Mickey you could quickly chop off their head!
Make an escape plan
If it looks like you need to make a fast exit out of town, have a map ready and forget picking a town with the obvious and often necessary amenities, such as a hospital and fuel station, pick somewhere your child will have entertainment, toy shops, fun parks… a happy child is less likely to tantrum and alert those damn zombies
If you like wearing make up and styling your hair, ditch all that, look windswept, a little crazed and try and blend in… only keep high heels if you plan on using them for hacking at exposed zombie necks.
Cut back on the sugary treats; be ready to pick up your kids and run fast if necessary. Save the sugary treats for them, in a worst case scenario I am sure my feral toddler plied with enough E numbers could take down a zombie, with his all spitting, all hitting, nose picking renegade action!
|one of the Plants v’s Zombies crew|