By ‘learn to fail’ we mean learn to fail effectively. What is failing effectively though? Is it failing quietly? Or failing with the promise to try again? Yes and no.

Failing effectively is the ability to fail and notice the reasons behind the failure. This is something which, once grasped, can be incredibly empowering for children and adults alike. We all feel bad when we fail. There’s a moment of intense disappointment which can be very hard for young children to handle. It’s frustrating, disappointing and can also be off-putting. A child who tries hard to master a skill only to repeatedly fail can feel very upset and feel like it’s not worth trying again. It’s vital that you help your child to see where they went wrong. Building confidence is an ongoing process as the heads of this independent school in East Sussex believe.

It starts young

Babies and toddlers will try obsessively to reach the milestones they need to reach in order to grow and develop properly. It begins with crawling and walking and talking. Babies work incredibly hard to master these skills and at no point do they consider that they might fail. They just keep trying. But at some point, when they become more self-aware, children begin to lose that sense of determination and fall prey to feeling bad about their efforts.

It’s vital that, as your child gains more skills in life and tries ever-more complex activities, that you encourage them in a positive fashion. A toddler trying to build a tower of bricks may yell in frustration when the tower keeps toppling – don’t get irritated. Help them find ways to make sure their efforts are rewarded. The message is that when you keep trying, you’ll get there in the end. Essentially, you are promoting a growth mindset and reiterating that there’s nothing wrong with failing as long as you move on in a timely fashion.

Older children can be helped in the same way. A child who keeps failing when trying to master a skateboard, might feel angry and frustrated. It’s important that you talk to them. Ask them where they think things went wrong? What did they do that could be changed? Then when they do finally succeed, they will have begun to develop the skills of self-evaluation. What did I do wrong the first times? And what did I do right? These simple questions are what can carry your child into adulthood and help them develop a can-do mentality.