When I was a child, I always had a fairy tale depiction of dating. You meet someone, you fall madly in love and you live happily ever after. But the reality turned out to be quite different. I was with one guy for eight years and it all fell apart a few months before our wedding. It was my first proper relationship, I guess. The previous ones had only lasted a couple of months. I thought he was “The One” but he really wasn’t. We drifted apart over the years, our priorities shifting. When things ended returning to dating was a bit scary. A lot had changed in those eight years.
It was a bit of a minefield to navigate through dating all over again. My last relationship I had cemented whilst in university. But I didn’t seem to have the same opportunities to meet guys anymore. I was a lot older and more sceptical. I wanted to settle down. But I worried all the guys I met still wanted to get drunk and party! I had a few false starts, best forgotten really! It did knock my confidence at first.
Then I learnt what made me happy as an individual, I gave myself time to get over such a long relationship. I read a few self-help books, encouraged by someone I knew. I accepted my life was different now. Even though I had wanted to split up with my ex it was still a strange situation to be in. Our relationship had been comfortable, I was used to it. I think I had coasted along for ages as I was too lazy to change anything.
Lots of people I know turned to a dating site when university relationships failed. But there are so many different sites out there it can be a bit overwhelming. They seem very fashionable now seeing as they are the third most popular method of meeting a long-term partner. But I was a little dubious at first.
In the end I did meet my now husband online. But it wasn’t a dating site it was an online computer game. We were one of the many gamers who hooked up through World of Warcraft. Although we didn’t make it the theme of our wedding like those in the article did. We were just glad a common interest had brought us together.
What I have learnt about dating as I have got older can be summarised below.
You Don’t Want Drama
As you get older you want an easier life I think. Nothing overcomplicated or dramatic. You have learnt what you like, and you want a relationship that ties in nicely. I think you need to look at a site that will connect you with people with a similar outlook, which brings me on to my next point.
Finding the Right Site
If you are over forty like me a site like older-dating.com is a good place to start. It speeds up the process if the people you are searching through are actually in your age bracket! Specialist mature dating sites are going to help you find love quicker. You can let an algorithm take out the stress of dating.
The Feeling That Time is Running Out
Why do you need it to happen so fast? Well if you still want children time is of the essence. You only have a small window to find someone, fall in love and have a baby. It puts so much extra pressure on. With each passing year it gets harder to conceive.
Seeing Beyond Looks
I think as you get older your more interested in finding a connection, someone you really get on with. You realize looks fade so its not your biggest priority anymore. When you are young you have crushes on the most attractive person in your school. As I have got older, I am more interested in stability and living an amicable life together. We both have wrinkles and our hair is greying but we still make each other laugh as much as we did in the beginning. Years of raising kids might have us exhausted but there is still that magic which was ignited 12 years ago.
As you get older you might have a colourful dating history. Your experiences might shape what you are now looking for in a partner. There might be more complications like children from past relationships to consider. It’s not as simple as throwing yourself into your next relationship anymore.